Things are calming down a bit, and we have been accomplishing a lot at home.  We finally cleared out that disaster of a second bedroom and organized everything so that I can really get down to getting my new business going.  We did so well in September with earnings, and had no idea it would take off the way it has.  We were totally unprepared for the success and for all the trappings that need to come with it to make the business function.

Finally, I just had to take a break from it completely until we could organize the space to handle it.  Now we have organized groups of packing boxes, drawers for our Sharpies, packing tape, and labels, shelving for our inventory which is now all organized according to what is currently listed for sale, what is actually selling, and what we will offer in upcoming weeks.  I listed 4 items yesterday after a two-week break, and it felt great.  All of them are already being watched or are selling.

I have started managing a new project at work -- it is a huge one, and I am not sure at this point what the scope is or who is involved, but it is interesting and a great learning experience.

I am still behind on the work for my second degree, but I am catching up fast.  I am studying the Archangels and their significance in our rituals, I am working on a more in depth study of gods and goddesses with whom I have not been familiar in the past, I am learning Qabala and its relation to the Tarot, and working on various kitchen witch type crafting.  I am really going full steam ahead now that the wedding is past and I have my focus back. 

One thing I have found since the wedding is that I am terribly driven to accomplish things around the house and personally.  Yes, it is good to have desires and make them reality, and it is great to regain my focus, but I know I have caught G by surprise because he is accustomed to a much less focused and goal-oriented atmosphere around the house and in the life he shares with V.  I fear that my approach has been a bit high-pressure for him, and I need to calm down a bit.  He is a great help and I could not have organized the office without him.  It is really wonderful to have a partner in all this, but I think I am spurring our horses a bit too much and need to pull back a tiny bit and soften up a bit.  It is not easy to only have your partner with you half the time and still find time to relax and have fun and still do all the necessary crap it takes to maintain life and a household, not to mention adding extra goals for long term desire fulfillment.  It is hard to strike a balance, and I am such a late bloomer (46 this year) that I am even more desperate and driven to make sure these things are on track and able to become reality quickly.  I am driven to enjoy the fruit soon, so the planting and tending are rather frenzied.

But even so, it is good because I can see results, and I love that.  I am not so much a process person as I am a results person.  I love the feeling of accomplishment.  I love seeing our home begin to take shape and become more beautiful as well as more homey and comfortable.  I love knowing we are saving for our future.  I love knowing that we are in the process of making dreams come true. 

We went to the confirmation open house yesterday for my cousin's son.  I saw a lot of relatives I have not seen for years, and MG met several people he had never met before.  We had a nice time.  My parents did not say too much to us, except my dad chided us for not visiting them more.  I said that if we are invited over, we will come.  But we have not been invited.  Why should we make all the overtures?

I seldom get political in my public blog, but this time I just have to do it since I have seen so many such messages on other blogs lately:

THE UNDERLYING MESSAGE FROM HIS SPEECHES THAT JOHN KERRY HOPES YOU WILL NOT FIGURE OUT:

J:  Just listen to my words at this moment and believe them.  Don't worry, I will say something completely different 10 minutes from now, and you can believe that message then.  Doing this does not require any thought at all, so you can just relax and be lulled by my magical verbal illusions over and over again.  Don't think about the fact that I will turn around and make you pay later for not having taken the time and effort to think now.

K:  Keep ignoring the fact that, though I speak of a strong middle class, I have no idea what that is because any significant income I have has come from the two heiresses I have married.  Neither of them know anything about the middle class, so I don't bother with knowing either.  I just go the parties and swim in my several pools and get my precious hands manicured.  Ignore the fact that I own six spacious homes that will require secret service protection if I am elected president, which of course, will cost you more in taxes, but just ignore that too.  What's that?  You just bought your first modest home and are struggling to pay bills? -- Well, ignore that too because, never having gone through that myself, I would not know how to advise you.  I have learned a good trick from little children that will aid you in ignoring important facts about me: plug your ears, close your eyes, and sing "la, la, la, la."

And terrorism?  I consider that a "nuisance."  Never mind the plane loads of people who have been killed over the past decades, never mind the mass graves full of ordinary citizens found in Iraq, never mind the deaths of 3-5,000 people in September of 2001 (if it didn't happen to you, it doesn't need to matter).  Never mind all that.  Do the ear-plug trick I just taught you.  As long as terrorism does not mess with me, my ditzy (current) heiress wife, my six homes, or my manicures, I am cool with it.

(That's John Kerry, and you can bet he does not approve this message).

Think, folks.  Really, think.

It is good for the neural electrons, and for those in the Craft, it is good for increasing ability to focus. 

Married life is a mixed bag so far.  In a way, I cannot believe how my love for G has grown so much even just since our wedding day, and in aother way, I grow increasingly frustrated at the way financial issues are handled on the other side of this relationship.  I feel like I am being kept in the dark sometimes, and I told G that he needs to stop that since I am his wife now and he needs to be open to me about the nitty gritty facts as well as being open to V.

I can tell this is going to take some work, and it probably always will.  I am a bit frustrated as well because he is working 12 hour days 7 days a week for this temp job he has, and I don't see him except to feed him, pack his lunch, take his laundry from him so it can be washed, and put him to bed.  We have issues that need discussing, but there is really no chance to do so without keeping him up too late, so I have to drop it.  That is really hard because I am a person who likes to address things and get them handled as soon as possible.  The attitude of ignoring stuff that is staring you in the face and will eventually become a problem just escapes my capacity to reason. 

I guess I was bitten too hard by too many of my mistakes when I was younger, and my determination not to let those things happen or not ot let them build up to a point where they are unmanageable is a big part of what motivates me now.  And it has paid off for me personally and professionally.  I would much rather just handle something at the time than try to think up excuses for why it flopped later.

So it is really frustrating not to be able to handle some of these issues now since G is simply too tired to handle them.  And I have such a hard time letting it go and letting it wait.  Stuff just clutters up my mind with noise if I can't handle it and put it behind me.

One really positive thing I am going to do even though I don't really have the extra funds right now:  I am hiring one of our trusted friends to come clean our house about twice a month.  Since I have been selling like crazy on eBay and building up our home business, I do not have time to keep up with the household chores, and it shows.  So, it is worth my while to offer this woman (who needs the money) $20.00 per hour to vacuum, dust, clean the bathroom, and clean the kitchen.  Then I can concentrate on getting our work area organized and set up in a way that works for us.

Business has been amazing, and the customers overall have been fabulous and positive.  Lately, though, I have encountered a few stinkers who are non-communicative and very slow in paying.  Some have actually backed out of auctions even though their bid is a contract.  Grrr.  I hate having to be mommy to adults.

Got married on Friday.  The wedding ceremony and reception went marvellously, truly grand and festive.  G and I were honored to discover that we have very good friends, excellent friends who were there for us in a pinch and who helped us work through the difficult parts of the day together.  So all in all, the wedding was a smashing success, and the ritual was beautiful.  Our guests had a lovely time, the food was great, the cake was nothing short of spectacular, the fire ring was a big hit, and the music was really fun.  G and I both had really bad colds the entire week, and getting things ready was like trudging through and ocean of thick mucus, but we did it and it ended up great.

One major challenge, though, was that the clothing -- the wedding gown, cloak, and the bridesmaid gown were unwearable -- far too big and far too long, and it was obvious that they were thrown together at the last minute (quality was, frankly, really poor -- threads hanging, hems not finished, etc.). In fact, when my MOH tried on her dress and had it all laced up and everything, it fell right off of her -- down her shoulders and onto the floor around her feet.  This last-minute thing was totally upsetting to me because the arrangements for the work had been made in May (and a deposit was paid at that time) and the materials had been delivered to the makers in early July.  We had also paid an additional couple of hundred dollars toward the crafting of the clothing before completion (because a serger needed to be purchased) in addition to the cost of fabric and materials.  All to end up with useless garb. 

In addition, I had asked him over and over at least 10 times whether or not he thought he would have time to do the work because it seemed his list of activities was growing exponentially, and I knew of his partner's health crisis and wanted to make sure this would not add an overwhelming burden.  He assured me there would be no problem, but it was soon obvious that my wedding was being pushed to the bottom of his pile.

This was a huge disappointment for us and there was nothing we could do since the clothes were only delivered the morning of the wedding, though I had originally set a firm due date for the week prior.  As a result, there was no final fitting, no time to correct the problems, and I was met with a cavalier attitude and hundreds of excuses whenever I asked for updates or questioned why things were not being attended to in a more timely manner.  I did not appreciate that attitude or the excuses at all, and my maid of honor was livid.  G was heartbroken for me.

It was obvious that, though we were going to be paying about $700.00 total for the work to be done, everything else took priority over our needs even though we had made arrangements first, paid a deposit and then some, and should have been first in line.  At this point, I wish nothing more than that I had just canceled that deal months ago and gotten my deposit back.  As it was on Friday, I felt like a fool for having stuck with it and having disappointed G and my MOH (and having lost money for all 3 of us).  I will be seeking appropriate financial restitution, and it had better be met.

I ended up having to send G to Wal-Mart the morning of the wedding so he could get some black jeans to wear instead of the kilt.  My MOH kindly offered to wear an older navy blue bridesmaid dress she had worn at another wedding 3 years before, and I ended up wearing a tea-length teal colored panne velvet dress that I was lucky enough to fit into again.  I have had the dress for eight years, and it was okay, but not at all what I had wanted to wear.  The entire color scheme of the wedding was thrown off, and my veil (which was beautiful and made by myself) did not match the dress.  I solved that by adding some teal colored ribbon to the veil, so that worked out. 

People said I looked very nice, but the pictures will always show a dress I did not want to wear, and a color scheme that was totally not what I wanted.  But I have the canceled checks and which count as legal documents and will be asking for my money back, minus about $50.00 which I will allow them for their own expenses.  I don't care if we have to set up a monthly payment plan, I intend to be repaid. 

Sighhhhhhh... This is all so sad and totally unneccessary.  I like this guy a lot.  I like his partner a lot.  I know he has a huge amount of creativity and talent and I truly like him as a friend and value his opinions and thoughts.  G and I had even gone to his new house on a Friday night during the summer to help put the kitchen in order so that he would have more time to work on the clothes.  He did have some really great ideas as the process went on, but just did not execute them in time to do a good job.  Truly, the last thing I want to do is have to talk about this stuff, but this was a really big deal and I feel I was ripped off, to put it bluntly.

I am bitterly disappointed that even though I did everything in my power to make sure this all went well, it flopped.  I feel like I let people down by sticking with this when it got to be against my better judgement, but by then there was no time to do anything else.

Arrgghhh.  'Nother siggggghhhhhhhh.

The truly wonderful thing about the day, though, the thing that eventually outshown the clothing crisis, was the enormous support and help our friends gave us.  The clothing issue set us about 3 hours behind on our schedule, and sent me into a pretty rough emotional spin during the day.  At 1:30, the time we were all supposed to meet at the park to decorate and get dressed, the cake was being picked up by my friend Jay, my MOH was just back from buying last minute groceries for the feast, our minister was cutting fruit in our kitchen, I was madly scrambling to get the script transfered to note cards, G was packing the truck.  Funny that I could never have counted on my family to be there to do those things, and they are the ones who should have been there.  Oh well, this was truly their loss, big time. 

At 4 PM, the time the ceremony was due to start, I was driving madly down the road leading to the park, having already dressed in my teal dress and swearing a blue streak the entire way there.  G was following me in his truck, having taken much of the brunt of my upset all morning and probably relieved that he was not having to drive with me.  I whipped my car into the parking lot and saw G pull in the truck right after me.  Something about seeing that touched my heart -- perhaps the thought that he still showed up even though I had been so tough to deal with that morning.

V and L were waiting for us and helped us transfer stuff from the truck to my car so I could drive it up to the pavillion.  Jim and his wife drove up then and helped get the stereo up the hill with the hand trolley.  When we got to the top of the hill, most of our guests were already waiting, sitting at picnic tables.  My MOH, Best Man, our photographer, and our minister had already arrived and had kindly and tastefully set up the gift table, the food buffet, and decorated the head table, and laid out candles on the other tables.  When I saw that and when my guests assured me that they were having a pleasant time chatting and did not mind the wait, I relaxed and was fine for the rest of the evening and thoughts of the garb issues went to the bottom of the mind-pile and stayed there.

A. helped me braid the handfasting cord and set up the altar, which was pretty much the last major preparation to be made.  She then sweetly fanned me with our bridal fans while I did my makeup in the restroom.  Within a few minutes, we were ready to roll.  We took our places on the path leading up to the oak tree.  G and his Best Man were on the other end of the path.  The music started, powerful bagpipes and drums.  They walked up the path, displaying very heady manliness and strength, from what little I could see from behind the bushes.

When the bagpipe song ended, Wild Mountain Thyme by the Muses began to play and A. started walking up the path toward the oak tree.  Then Jay and I walked up.  We were met by a beautiful circle of friends standing around the tree.  Jay handed me to G, and then our minister, A and J, and G and I entered the circle.  The ceremony went beautifully.  G and I did most of the action and speaking, and really did not fumble at all.  A and J were terrific in their supporting parts.  We were proud of them, and impressed that J was so on target even though he had never participated in a ritual before (except to photograph our betrothal last year).  Our minister was very good, always a joy to work with, and her gown was wonderful.

I could tell that our guests were very interested and enjoying a ceremony such as they had never seen before.  Their expressions were very open and supportive. I could not have been happier.  We presented a gift to V during circle, and she hugged and kissed us with passion.  I think she really understood that my intentions are very good and that I desire to be her family, sister, and dear friend.  Overall, it was delightful and joyful, and I was overwhelmed with the support and encouragement we were given.

Need to get to bed, so will condense this last part: the reception was a blast.  The golden sun shone through the clouds just as it was setting, our photographer (a colleague of mine) was very thorough and unobtrusive -- truly skilled even though this was her first time doing this.  The food was yummy, the cake was absolutely awesome, people loved the music we chose, and the fire ring was very popular when the sun went down along with the temps.  All in all, everything was fun and delightful. 

And let me say without a doubt or hesitation: My husband is the light of my life.  I was so proud of him the whole time.  For one thing, he looked sooooo sexy and handsome, kilt or no kilt, and for another, he was truly attentive to me and to our guests.  He was a superb groom and host, and I delighted in listening to him, dancing with him, talking to guests with him, working our marriage ritual with him.  He is truly awesome. 

Our honeymoon consisted of a brief weekend stay in a 4-star hotel downtown.  Very nice, something everyone should do at least once.  We had planned to treat ourselves as tourists all day Saturday and go see the city through fresh eyes, but we never left the room until we went out to a 4-star dinner on Saturday night.  We slept all day, alleviating the exhaustion and recovering from colds.  But it was wonderful.  I was snuggled up to my man, and that is my favorite place to be.